Something I hear from men more often than you’d think is ‘but my wife doesn’t really enjoy sex’ or ‘Women don’t really enjoy sex’ – What bollocks!
I’d like to address this misconception and yes this is aimed more at men than women, so maybe you should pass it along to the men in your life to give them a kick up the arse!
Women want sex just as much as men do IF NOT MORE – but we’re programmed by society not to admit that, we’re told its shameful or slutty behaviour etc. I promise you guys, we’re secretly thinking about you slipping inside us just as much as you are. We just don’t want to be judged or made to feel like a slut about it.
Here’s the thing though – woman want GOOD SEX, actually we all want bloody great sex, but let’s not pile the expectations too high! So for the guys saying ‘my wife doesn’t really enjoy sex’ – buddy, the reality is (barring a serious past issue blocking her sexual enjoyment) she just doesn’t enjoy sex with YOU!
Unfortunately the vast majority of men are just average boring lovers in bed, so the reality is that their women probably aren’t enjoying sex that much.
You see, men will still have sex even if it’s below par, because once they’ve started they just want to cum. However sex means more emotionally to a woman, so if she feels disappointed by sex with you she is in no particular hurry to repeat it. We genuinely think things like ‘well that was bloody boring why the hell should I do that again?’ Then we’ll start to resent your lack of effort.
Guys if you’re in a long-term relationship and you’ve only ever stuck to the ‘wham, bam, thank you Ma’am’ without making sure she’s having a good time, well you need to know that women take that personally. We literally end up feeling betrayed and unloved, because you haven’t made the effort to figure out what gives us pleasure.
(Which incidentally is how we justify cheating – statistics show women cheat way more than men and we just don’t feel as guilty about it – because we truly believe you betrayed us in the 1st place by not caring enough to make an effort in bed!)
Hey I never said any of what occurs in our heads would be rational; I’m just telling you the truth. Unfortunately not only do we resent you for being lazy in bed, but we also start to lose respect for guys that don’t make any effort – and that is the kiss of death in a relationship! My last English boyfriend was the perfect example of this. I was horrified by how lazy he was in bed, I gave him a 2 week window to get his shit together and then he got demoted to the ‘never going to be a serious contender’ pile, because he didn’t even understand why he should learn how to please a woman. Now that’s just short-sighted stupidity in my book, I mean 6 weeks in with him and I still hadn’t had an orgasm – come on!
He did not last much longer.
To be honest men like to think they’re great in bed, but it’s a very small percentage of men that can class themselves as Sexual Gods; the ones that leave us panting for more and willing to crawl over glass to get to them. Let’s just say for arguments sake that you and all your mates are in the average category then of course your experience is that you want sex more than your women do. I get that makes it very hard to believe women enjoy or want sex more than men do.
But we do, we LOVE great sex, can’t get enough of it frankly and when you become a great lover you’ll see this.
Let me give you some physical proof – women’s brains are wired to experience 10 times more pleasure during sex and orgasm than men’s do. (Personally I reckon it’s compensation for all the periods and pregnancy bullshit). A woman also has about 100 times more nerve endings in her clitoris/g-spot than a man does in his penis. So when she’s having mind-blowing multiple orgasms she’ll literally lose control, claw at her mans back, writhe all over the place screaming and making noises you never even knew she could make.
Guys, do you do that during your orgasms?
Plus women don’t hit their sexual peak until their 30’s (boys around 17) so think about it this way – the average 35 yr old woman is as sex obsessed as a horny 15 year old. She’s just better at repressing it. One of the best sexual years of my life was 30 when I was shagging a 20 year old extremely eager to learn – aahh good times!
Deep-down we all want to go bat-shit crazy with someone. So gentlemen, on the path to being a truly great lover please accept that we want sex as much as you do – it just has to be good sex. Now go out and learn how to be that lover, because the power and ego boost you’ll get from seeing your woman lose control, knowing you’re the one that drew it out of her? Priceless!
You’ll find some tips on www.jowharmby.com
